Tuesday, July 8, 2014

I have always been Bi.  I remember back to being about 9 or 10, playing house with my friend.  I was the 'man' saying goodbye to his wife and going off to work 9the role playing stereotypes circa 1982.  We were playing at her house and as I said goodbye, leaning over her on the bed, I planted a big kiss on her lips.   We were so young and it was so fun, well for me anyway. She thought it was an accident. Me falling on her lips. Maybe it was, and maybe it wasn't. I remember thinking it was wonderful.

I didn't make note of it until many years later. Even the extra feelings I would get around girls, I just kept to myself.  I had boyfriends until after high school.  My friend came out not long after, and I was jealous. I had a boyfriend I was living with, and she was with a girl.

This friend and I later became long distance lovers for a year or more.  Being with a woman always seemed right.  But I enjoyed being with men as well,

So I guess in the context of labeling, I was, and am, bisexual.  It's not so hard right? I like men, I like women. I guess I like my cake and eat it too, so they would say. I am not confused. I am not trying to make up my mind.  I know what I want.   Is that really so hard to understand?

why is it so hard.

In my current relationship I am married. We just started a poly relationship. He has a few girls he texts and has had sex with. I have met a few girls. One of which I have had sex with.  It is just so hard to met girls.

Is it because I am middle of the road? I don't wear make up, but I wear skirts. I don't play softball, but I paddle.  I like to be on bottom with a man, and I like to be on top with a girl.

I also don't want to be a unicorn or have one in my marriage. We keep our lovers separate.   Here is the other problem.  People hear Poly, and they think we want a threesome. Open relationship then? Is that what it is called? It all seems so over thought to me.  Why does it have to be anything?  Can't I just want to be with women and my husband..and not at the same time?

things to ponder.